Saturday, November 7, 2009

Day 77...

So I'm getting used to this chili, a little bit. While Mike was here he held my hand and led me through the mechanics of several gorgeously home-made dinner dishes. Among these was a vegan chili with fresh corn and broccoli; a coconut-based stir fry with curry and sweet potatoes; and an astonishing veggie lasagna. Now that I've been left to my own devices (and all of his delectable left-overs have been summarily consumed) I decided to try my own hand at that silly little chili we'd mulled over together. Not entirely disastrous, I have to say...but there's still time to be proven wrong.

Everything started out smoothly: a can of red and a can of black beans; firm tofu sauteed in garlic and butter; a perfect-sized yellow pepper; and herbs & spices such as you'd never think possible (and perhaps for good reason), such as fresh basil; crushed red pepper; ground black peppercorn; salt; brown sugar; cayenne pepper; Parmesan cheese; and perhaps other things... The real problem (besides my complete lack of understanding when it comes to complimentary flavors) reared its ornery head when I joyously opened the vodka spaghetti sauce to use as a base. The damn thing had been stubbornly fixed shut since we'd bought it two weeks ago, which is the only reason i hadn't already found an excuse to devour it. So jubilant was I when I managed to open the crazy jar without the help of man or woman alike, that I'd already poured in half its contents before off-handedly dipping a finger into the excess on the dabbled lid. When I brought the cursed finger to my suddenly dismayed mouth, I was shocked with what i tasted!!

Perhaps it was just the fact that this new brand of vodka sauce was unfortunately inferior to others out there...or perhaps it had more to do with the fact that it was a cream-base (kinda strange for a chili)...but whatever the reason that got my skepticism a-growling, I directed my gaze to the top of the lid. Partially obscured by stickers indicating price per product, I noticed the tell-tale numbers of the "Use by" date. Peeling the stickers back with my thumb-nail, horror dawned as my eyes gradually communicated to my mind the numbers' true meaning. They read: 4/28/2009...almost seven months expired. Son of a bitch!

Too late, the guilty sauce mingled and disappeared inside every other ingredient, infiltrating to the very bottom of that god-forsaken pan and tainting the promise of a perfectly legitimate & fully independent vegetarian chili. "Well, I'll be damned," I thought, "I really have managed to fuck-up a fool-proof dish..."

Ah well! Despite the worrisome expiration date, the sauce didn't taste weird in a GONE BAD sorta way, more like a vaguely strange spice-selection kinda way. So what the heck? I figured I'd finish cooking the freakin' thing, at least. And since i finished cooking it, i figured I'd better give it a fair chance by trying it out too--and frankly, I AM getting used to it, now that I've eaten half a bowl. So now I figure I'll just go ahead and eat the other half--cuz what's life without a little risk? But just for the record, if I die, be sure to sue Garden Gourmet for me. That way my short law career won't have been a complete waste. =P

Faretheewell folk!,
-LaW

1 comment:

  1. Well, the expiration date is more of a best if used by sorta thing. As long the the air packed seal of the jar wasn't bulging up it should be okay. I hope you enjoyed eating it as much as I enjoyed reading about it.

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